Sponge bath it is.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
