so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
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