i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
