Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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