it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
