the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Randomize