She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.