Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Randomize
