I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
