WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH