i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Randomize