i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize