I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
