exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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