i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
