I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
