I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
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