Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Randomize
