There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Randomize
