i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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