nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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