look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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