I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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