I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
