Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
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