ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
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