Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
