M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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