My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
