So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
