my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
