Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
