I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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