Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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