does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
