I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.