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Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
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