He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!