hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
29 Times Beach Sex Ended With Sand In All The Wrong Places
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake