i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
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