I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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