listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
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the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
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I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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