first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
