No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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