I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
