I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
