Sry I called you an 8
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
