I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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