mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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