wrigley field is MILF paradise
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
