The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
