We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
The beers last night were like the tears from god
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
