I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
