Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
