we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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