had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
