if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize