do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
