YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
