dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
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