He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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