he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
