your parents love me but you hate me
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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