dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Randomize
