WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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