i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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