if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
