Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
