I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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