i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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