so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
what is it with giant penises always finding me
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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