oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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