Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
