He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
