You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Randomize