Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
