I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
