i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
