I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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