does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
