So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
