The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
i believe in u and ur pee
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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